Buyer Beware: The Quest for a House

Some people just won’t take no for an answer. Members of Doug Wilson’s cult fall into that category. The rogue pastor preaches that slavery should be legal, husbands should beat their wives, women should not be allowed to vote, and sexual assault is a man’s right. Their goal is to achieve a whites-only, Christians-only community, and they will stop at nothing to get it.

After years of being told that I’m not wanted in the community and having people drive by my home shouting, “nigger lover” and “act white,” they have finally changed course. Instead of threatening, shunning, and harassing me (which obviously doesn’t work), they have decided to buy me out.

I received a letter from Otto Nielson requesting to buy my home. I have a two-bedroom house; they have four kids. The house obviously isn’t a good fit. But they don’t really want my house, they just want me out of the community. Otto’s wife, Bethany, is a New Saint Andrews graduate and elementary teacher at Logos school, both of which fall under the purview of Doug Wilson’s watchful eye. Neilson claims to work for Dominion Capital, a sham company created in October 2021 by Daniel Anderson, another Christ Church affiliate.

Dominion Capital Organization Certificate

I wasn’t the only one to receive a letter, either. Multiple other women that I know of were targeted. While they are not pagan like myself, they have committed the unpardonable sins of putting Black Lives Matter signs in their yards. We also openly speak against the pedophilia rampant in the Christ Church community. The most recent to be arrested is Alex Lloyd, a church deacon; the most infamous was Steven Sitler, who molested multiple kids under age 12, including his own 5-month-old son.

Seeing as these folks won’t take no for an answer, I’ve decided to give in and say, “yes.” Being pagan, that yes comes at a cost.

Lovers of myth, folklore, and fairytales will be familiar with the impossible task. In this trope, the querant is given a series of impossible tasks to complete in order to win a boon, a maiden’s hand, or break a curse. In this case, the boon they seek is the ability to purchase my house. I greatly enjoyed creating their first task, outlined below.

To fulfill the first task, Otto Nielson and Daniel Anderson must acquire and deliver all of the following items to me:

Eye of newt, tongue of frog,
Bones stolen from a dog,

Grave dirt of a murdered child,
Blood of a virgin undefiled,

The sorrow in a Banshee’s wail,
A feather from a Phoenix tail,

The cloth of a priest who’s never molested children,
The foreskin of an incubus, willingly given,

Delicate petals from wild frost flowers,
Wispy, whimsy fairy bowers,

Chainmail made of dragon scale,
And a blade that’ll never fail,

A basilisk fang, a moonbeam’s kiss,
You’re only half-way through this list . . .

A selkie’s skin, Nuadah’s hand,
Solstice vacations in Ireland,

Cat paw echoes, breath of fish,
The secret of a djinn’s wish,

A white stag’s antler, a unicorn horn,
An abandoned castle, lost and forlorn,

Hair from an honest politician,
The wand of Merlin the magician,

Adam’s apple, wood from the cross,
A random jar of hot sauce,

Nephilim hearts, a kraken eye,
The grace of a sasquatch that can fly,

To top it off, your first-born sons,
‘Cus you and your wives can have other ones.

I sent first-class letters to both Otto Neilson and Daniel Anderson informing them of the challenge, as well as sending this list to the Moscow-Pullman Daily News as a letter to the editor. Should they manage to complete the first challenge, I’ll happy inform them of the requirements for their second quest.

For those interested in learning more about this cult, here are some selected readings:

4 thoughts on “Buyer Beware: The Quest for a House

  1. If you get the dragon scale chainmail, can I borrow it to wear it at the next RadCon?

    But seriously, good work, Khaliela! I have a few miles of prairie to buffer me from Doug Wilson’s odiousness, so it’s easy – probably too easy – to ignore the viper’s nest next door. So sorry you have to deal with his cult’s hatred.

    • If I get the dragon scale chainmail, I’ll happily let you borrow it. As for the rest, I don’t mind being a Christ Church target. I’m actually hoping for a public book burning when Klara’s Journey is published next year–they’ll have to buy the book before they can burn it! LOL

  2. Can I tag along on the solctice vacation to Ireland?
    We are going to return the selkie’s skin to her, right? Poor thing, she is just miserable being wife to one of these Christ Church man-babies, and I look forward to seeing her return to the Wild Pacific.

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