Some Critique groups are better than others. The gripes from my group the last time we met make me wonder why I bother writing at all.
Asinine Critique 1
Person A: “It’s absolutely inappropriate for you characters to be nude. I’m not sure how a reasonable person would even come up with an idea like that. What made you think it would be appropriate?”
Me: “The Celts were known for fighting naked; you can look it up if you want.”
Person A: “I have a hard time believing that, and even if it were true, nudity has no place in a book!
Because historical accuracy is irrelevant.
Asinine Critique 2
Person B: “Now you’ve got this druid. That’s really out of place. I know about druids, they were devil worshipers and they all got killed on some island a really long time ago. You need to get rid of that character and I’m not sure why you think you need it here?”
Me: “The slaughter of the druids did not occur until after Rome occupied the British Isles, and that’s several hundred years in the future. Druids were alive and well during 600 BCE, which is where this book is set.”
Person B: “Even if they existed, it’s not right. I know there were people who worshiped other gods and things, but this is ridiculous. If you want anyone to take you seriously you need to write normal stories where the characters have traditional Christian values.”
Because the only perspective that matters is your own.
Asinine Critique 3
Person C: “You’ve got no plot at all. All you ever write about are these ridiculous relationships. I’m really tired of hearing about these people. You need to get on to whatever your plot is, and frankly, I’m not even sure you’ve got a plot. I mean, what’s the point of this story?”
Me: “Celtic mythologies of the Ulster Cycle often follow the theme of a love triangle. I am adhering to that form.”
Person C: “No one wants to hear about some damn love triangle; they want action and adventure. You need to find a plot and stick to it.”
Because the only books that matter are the ones you like to read.
Asinine Critique 4
Person D: “Your main character is unbelievable and inconsistent. She says she’s not interested in sex, but you’ve got her having sex in every chapter.”
Me: “She doesn’t have sex. Where are you seeing sex?”
Person D: “You had them in the tent together again. It’s really inappropriate.”
Me: “That’s where they sleep. Besides, it was raining. I can assure you they did not have sex. If anyone is having sex you’ll know because I’ll write it.”
Person D: “They’re just a bunch of godless heathens. We all know they are having sex even if you didn’t write it. That’s just how those people are, which is why this whole thing in unbelievable.”
Me (in my head): He’s gay you mindless twit. She’s a girl and he likes boys, hence they’re not having sex!
I just don’t even know where to go with this. If I tell her he’s gay, that will be another lecture on needing for them to display “Christian values.” If I don’t say anything they’re missing half the story.
I’m desperately looking for another group.